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[03 Apr 2009|06:49am] |
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26.
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| curly cue. |
[14 Jan 2008|04:31pm] |
i just got a second job.
very soon i will be working 70 hours a week. i will be kissing my credit cards good bye forever in a few short months.
i cant wait to see the door hit them on their way out.
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| here they are... |
[10 Aug 2007|06:47pm] |
the guts. all over the computer screen for you to absorb. or read anyway. letters into words into sentences. sooner or later, its a letter. email. myspace message. pick your poison. quick fix. from miles and miles away. another time zone of distance.
i fear domestication. this is my story. of wifelihood. of the rural mid-west. im not even a suburb of somewhere bigger-brighter. i am literally in the middle of nothing. nothing but john deeres and corn feed mindless conservatives. im no radical, mind you. but i am not mindless. quite the contrary. i am still lyndsi vance for reason. it scares the locals. give a little girl an inch, she'll grow up stronger than you knew girls could grow. this all said, i enjoy being married. being part of something i could never do alone. i may still be ms. vance but any day i decide, i could be mrs. hackett. just a form and a long wait in a line. pass the corn on the cob please. its worth considering anyway. its an institution because americans need to label everything that crosses their paths. its also an institution because no one likes to be lonely. especially in the middle of nowhere nebraska. where is the hell is nebraska anyway? somewhere in the middle, i think. far away from home.
i spend most of my time (aside from my 45+ hours at work a week) listening to music like elliott smith and reading books on existentialism and fat girls named delores and buddhism to keep my mind from being styrofoam. everyone in the midwest wants a girl with styrofoam brains. which is why i choose to remain otherwise. as im sure you recall, i was never one to appease the moral majority. let alone, the nebraskans.
i long for creativity. for people who value culture. shit for people who know that culture doesnt JUST mean other countries approach to living. i miss holding conversations that didnt have to begin with niceties about the weather or fake smiles because what the hell else are we supposed to talk about? someday, i will move home. someday, i will make it back and i fear that while i find peace-robbie will in turn wilt. he is a good man with wonderful ideals and love pouring outta him like youd think he was gay. but. he is one of the many here that dont understand why i havent changed my name to his yet. why cant i just be like im supposed to be and assimilate to how people believe i should behave...
rules are there to be observed by those that fear change and were never taught to think for themselves.
howve you been?
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| triple digets. |
[02 Jul 2007|07:21pm] |
i long for friendship.
this place is miserable.
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| mrs. |
[17 May 2007|11:42pm] |
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| when your heart beats next to mine... |
[17 May 2007|02:42pm] |
honeymoons are hard work.
ps) seriously, pictures are coming. if you are friends with jess on myspace, she has some up on her page already. if you arent friends with jess, add her because she is neat. and you know, the pictures.
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| . |
[09 May 2007|07:33am] |
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ive got a husband.
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| april. |
[01 Apr 2007|05:01pm] |
i always hated march most.
two more days and 24.
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[08 Mar 2007|08:53am] |
may 8 is two months away and i grow closer to wifelyhood.
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| three months twenty three days. |
[14 Jan 2007|08:45pm] |
its a strange place to be. stuck between the relentless now and the seemingly unattainable tomorrow. the large reality of marriage has settled in me in a new way. i was nervous about it, weary of failing it...havent had the most amazing examples to emulate or have a sense of security from. but i realized. more than fear of others short comings...i cant wait to be a wife. mrs. hackett is still a weird notion. but being a cute little wife may just be the most exciting thought ive ever had.
the hardest part is waiting for the next three and a half months to pass.
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[25 Nov 2006|01:32pm] |
i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
-ee cummings
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| and death i think is no parenthesis... |
[13 Nov 2006|06:10pm] |
its funny how some things remain constant despite the rest of everything moving in a different direction. why is it that as a person i have to perpetually be in motion but some things (though generally small and usually over looked) have permission to just stay?
may 8 is five months two weeks and three days away and fear squeezes my heart every time i think about it. even more daunting is that robbie is completely ready for it. no fear no worry. am i not normal? what girl gets cold feet six months away? and isnt it usually the damn boy?
grr.
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| MIA |
[24 Sep 2006|09:46am] |
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whatever happened to peter griffith?
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double_talker's journal
